Pool

What did the swimming pool say to the skimmer?
Leaf me alone!
What type of pool do mechanics like best?
The car pool!
Why should you swim in an ool instead of a pool?
Because there’s no “p” in it!
Did you hear about the rundown swimming pool?
It was a real dive!
How did the swim team manage to pay for new pool renovations?
They pool-ed their resources!
What do you say when your dad wears a speedo to the pool?
Spee-don’t!
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
Is the pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
The Nip Slip in the Swimming Pool
The Nip Slip in the Swimming Pool A young couple were on their honeymoon and were staying at a hotel with a large swimming pool. They decided to go for a swim, and the bride donned a new bikini that she had recently purchased. As she swam and splashed around in the pool, she soon discovered that the bikini was too large, and the top and bottom kept coming off. As they were the only ones in the pool, she and her husband would laugh and playfully retrieve the bikini from the pool's bottom. That evening they dressed for dinner and headed to their hotel's elegant restaurant, where they were seated next to a huge aquarium. Strangely, the aquarium was devoid of any aquatic life. When the bride asked their waiter why the aquarium had no fish in it, he smiled broadly and said, "That's not an aquarium...that's the swimming pool!"
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
How do you kill a Blonde? Put a Scratch 'n Sniff at the bottom of a pool.
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
The Redneck and the Gator
The Redneck and the Gator A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women. At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10-foot man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in. The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its rear! Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of judo instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising heck. Finally, Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. Finally, the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.' 'No, that's okay. I don't want It,' said Leroy. The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something - you won the bet. How about half a million bucks then? No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Leroy. The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?' Again Leroy said no. Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?' 'I want the name of the summamabich that pushed me in the pool!'
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."