Magic Jokes

The $5000 Desk
The $5000 Desk Stanley is looking for a new desk for his office and he spots one that looks perfect in an antique shop window. He goes inside and asks the shopkeeper how much it is. “That desk is going for $5000,” says the shopkeeper. “$5000 for an old desk? That’s outrageous!” exclaims Stanley. “Ah,” says the shopkeeper, “but this is a magic desk.” He turns to the desk and asks, “Desk, how much money do I have in my pocket?” The desk taps one of its legs on the floor four times. The shopkeeper turns out his pocket and, sure enough, there are four dollar coins there. “Wow, that’s pretty cool,” says Stan. “Alright, desk, how much money does my wife have in her bank account?” At this, the desk goes wild, manically banging all four of its legs up and down repeatedly for over five minutes non-stop. “Darn, where did she get all THAT from?” wonders Stanley. The desk’s legs slide apart and its drawers drop down.
A Politician At the Chocolate Store
A Politician At the Chocolate Store Once upon a time there was a thief and a politician who were friends. One day, they entered a chocolate store. While they were busy looking around, the thief stole 3 chocolate bars. As they left the store, the thief said to the politician: "Man! I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that." The politician replied: "You wanna see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing." So they went to the counter and politician said to the shopkeeper: "Hey do you wanna see magic?" The Shop keeper replied: "Sure!" The politician says: "Give me one chocolate bar!" The shop keeper gave him one, and he ate it. He asked for a second, and he ate that as well.. He asked a third, and finished that one too. The shop keeper asked: "But where's the magic?" The politician replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find it!"
Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
What do you call a sorcerer who only deals in urine magic?
A whizzard.
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
Do you be-leaf in magic?
Do you wanna see a magic trick? Watch me pull something out of my pants!
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Do you want to see a magic trick? I can make five inches disappear.
What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet
Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
My magic watch tells me you're not wearing any underwear.
You are? The thing must be an hour fast again.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
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