Once upon a time there was a thief and a politician who were friends. One day, they entered a chocolate store.
While they were busy looking around, the thief stole 3 chocolate bars.
As they left the store, the thief said to the politician: "Man! I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that."
The politician replied: "You wanna see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing."
So they went to the counter and politician said to the shopkeeper: "Hey do you wanna see magic?"
The Shop keeper replied: "Sure!"
The politician says: "Give me one chocolate bar!"
The shop keeper gave him one, and he ate it. He asked for a second, and he ate that as well.. He asked a third, and finished that one too.
The shop keeper asked: "But where's the magic?"
The politician replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find it!"
A pastor goes to a nursing home for the first time to visit an elderly parishioner.
As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they continue their conversation, he can't help himself and eats one after another.
By the time they are through visiting, the bowl is empty. He says, "Mrs. Jones, I'm so sorry, but I seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."
"That's O.K.," she says.
"They would have just sat there anyway. Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off and put them back in the bowl!"
A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.
The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."
The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".
The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"
"No" says the boy, "he minded his own bloody business."