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Killer Jokes

One Liners for Kids
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
The Dentist and the Viagra
The Dentist and the Viagra The other day, a gentleman went to the Dentist's office to have a tooth pulled. The Dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give him a shot. "No way! No needles! I hate needles", the man said. The Dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man immediately objected. "I can't do the gas thing either; the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!" The Dentist then asks the gentleman if he has any objection to taking a pill. "No objection", the man said. "I'm fine with pills". The Dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet". The gentleman, totally at a loss for words, said in amazement, "WOW, I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!" "It doesn't", said the Dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth."
Toucan Puns
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Ocean Puns
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
Mother Puns
Son, your mother died. It happened when she choked on her dinner from laughing.
You could say I have a killer sense of humor.
Dolphin Puns
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
Yeti/ Bigfoot Puns
Why do Bigfoots like to tell jokes?
Because they're killer comedians.
Coffee Puns
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Buffalo Puns
What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
Colonoscopy Short Jokes
I had a colonoscopy recently and believe it or not getting the camera up there doesn't hurt as much as you might think.
It's the crew that's the killer.
Oral Hygiene Puns
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
One Liners and Short Jokes
I've been searching for three years for my mother-in-law's killer... but apparently no one will do it.
Knife Puns
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
Fly Puns
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
Funny Poems
There’s been a murder, a woman was killed,
found in a bathtub, partially filled.
A pair of policemen went into the house
and questioned the poor woman’s spouse.
He’d just come home from working all night
and found her like that, a terrible sight.
The younger policeman looked on with dismay.
He’d never forget that terrible day.
He saw the young woman from behind the door
and empty milk cartons all over the floor,
Scattered strawberries, slices of fruit,
and spoonfuls of sugar and honey to boot.
”Who could have done this terrible thing?”
His voice had a horrified, pitiful ring.
”Just look at the clues,” replied Sargeant Miller.
”It looks like the work of a cereal killer.” (Albert Van Hoogmoed)
Band Puns
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
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