Art Jokes

I thought this was a bar, but I must be in a museum because you’re a piece of art.
What Nationality Were Adam and Eve? An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian are standing in a museum looking at a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the garden of Eden. The three stare at it intently. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the British man. "They must be British." The three of them ponder this possibility for a moment before the Frenchman and the Russian shake their heads in disagreement. "Nonsense," says the Frenchman. "They're naked and so beautiful, enjoying the best of life. Clearly they are French.". The Brit and Russian agree on this point, but after a moment the Russian shakes his head again. "No clothes, no shelter..." He muses. "Also, they have only an apple to eat but they're told this is Paradise. They are clearly Russian!"
By mine honour, if I were but two hours younger, I’d beat thee. Methink’st thou art a general offence, and every man should beat thee.
Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood.
Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all.
Thou art the cap of all the fools.
Heaven truly knows that thou art false as hell.
Thou art unfit for any place but hell.
Thou art as fat as butter.
Thou art a boil, a plague sore.
Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
The Janitor and the Fairy Three friends go on a hike in a forest. One is a professor, one a CEO, and one a janitor. Suddenly, they encounter a glowing ball of light that resolves itself into a beautiful fairy. The fairy says “I will give you humans what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day. You will be given all the resources you need.” The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids’ screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up. The CEO says “I’ll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This’ll be a breeze.” so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up. The janitor says “I’ll be an artist” so he is transported to an art facility. He uses the facility to create a huge art exhibit in which he glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, telling the story behind it, then sells it for a million dollars. After the day way done, the fairy congratulates the janitor. "But how come you could do all that?" She asks him curiously. The janitor shrugged. “I have a masters degree in art.”
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
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