Apple

Christianity is the strangest religion ever set up, for it committed a murder upon Jesus in order to redeem mankind from the sin of eating an apple. -- Thomas Paine
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.

Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York?
She fell for the Big Apple.
The Pantomiming Pope
The Pantomiming Pope It was a sunny day in Rome when the Pope decided that he wants all the Jews out of Rome. Of course, there was a huge protest from the Jewish sector. So the Pope decided he will give them a chance. He invited them to send their greatest mind for a religious debate with him. If the Jewish man won, the Jews could remain living in the city. If the Pope won, the Jews had to leave. At the Jewish community, they realized that they had no choice. They looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too much responsibility, what if they failed? The only one willing was an old man named Moishe. Being old, he decided he had less to lose. "I've seen and done it a lot in my life. I'm not afraid." he said. He asked only for one addition to the debate. Not being used to saying very much, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk. The Pope accepted this, thinking it a wise decision and will prevent them from saying the normal things. The day of the holy debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for several minutes, contemplating each other, before the Pope raised his hand and unfurled them to show three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised just one finger. The Pope waved his finger in a circle around himself. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat emphatically. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, 'I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay!' An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said: 'First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him, that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?' Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was impossible! 'What happened?' they asked. 'Well,' said Moishe, 'first he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here.' 'And then?' asked a woman. 'I don't know,' Moishe shrugged. 'He took out his lunch and I took out mine.'
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.

Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.