A rich man just got his brand new Jaguar, equipped with everything. He was whistling to himself, enjoying the ride, when he encountered a red traffic light and was waiting for it to change. While he was waiting, a tiny Beetle also drives up. The rich guy looked at the little car and couldn't help himself, he had to brag. "This is the best limo that money can buy. It has ABS, airbags for all passengers, automatic climate control, on-board computer control system, photo-chromatic glass, mini bar, a television with satellite dish embedded in the roof, and this, and this..." At this point the Beetle owner interrupted. "That's nice, but do you have a hair blower in there?" The light changed just then, and the limo driver pulled off. The rich man in back felt a bit down that he didn't have this simple item, and that very day had one installed in the car. A few days passed, and the rich man was looking for that Beetle, until he finally found it in another light. He got out of his car and quickly knocked on the other's window. "Yea?" Said the other man impatiently. "I got that hair blower too, now." said the rich man proudly. "Nice," the other man said, "but do you have THIS?" and he shows the rich guy a tiny microwave oven built into the dashboard. "N... no. I have to say I don't." "Well, talk to me when you have a REAL car, then!" and with that, the Beetle takes off. The rich man goes back to the dealership and this time has a special microwave AND an oven put into his car. Once again the Jaguar was at a traffic light when the man spotted the Beetle. It was pulled over to a side, with the glass all steamed up, and steam coming from a half open window. Upon seeing this, the businessman got out of his car and knocked on the window of the car. After a few moments, the beetle owner poked his head out. "I installed an oven." said the rich man proudly. "Ugh,' the mini-man responded. "you got me out of the shower for THIS?"

There are two muffins in an oven. One muffin turns to the other muffin and says, "Boy, it's hot in here." The other muffin says, "OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN."

This is a story about a newlywed couple who had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies . So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." "Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India - they had it all. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..." He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I promise. OK?" You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out five dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. The husband tries once again. "But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's swearing, dirty words and all that..." "You want dirty words, sweetie pie? Smiled the wife. "Then drink your bloody beer in your darn frozen mug and eat your stupid snacks, because you are married now, and you aren't going anywhere! Got it, moron?"