What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
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