Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
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