Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
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