What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.