Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
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