How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.

My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!

What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.

Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.

How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.

What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
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Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.

Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.

A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.

What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.

Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!

What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.

What has a neck but no head?
A bass.

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”

What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.

What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.

Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.