What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
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