Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.

What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.

What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.

Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.

What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!

Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.

What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.

What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!

What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.

What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”

What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.

A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.

What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.

Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.

What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.

Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.

Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.

What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.