What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.

What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.

What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.

I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”

Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.

Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.

What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.

What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”

I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.

Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.

Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.

Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.

Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.

Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."