What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
What do you call a married man vacuuming? Doing what he's told...
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phones home.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.
Why do doctors slap babies' bums right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
How come it’s so hard to make a fool out of a man?
Because most of them are the DIY type in that way.
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.
Why does a penis have a hole in the end? So men can be open minded.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
What's the best way to force a male to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
How do you stop a man from raping you? Throw him the remote control.
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
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