A man, during his night prays, asks God: "Oh, Lord... Why you’ve made women so beautiful?"
God replies: "So you can love them, my child."
"Fine, but my Lord, why you’ve made them so stupid?"
"So that they can love you back..."
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? Two - if you slice them very thinly.
Men: Bros before Hoes. Women: Sisters before Misters.
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard.
How many knees do men really have? 3 - right knee, left knee and their wee-knee.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Why do so few men end up in Heaven? They never stop to ask for directions
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
What do you call a Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two front teeth? A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER
I told my boyfriend we could watch a dirty movie for his birthday and do what we saw in the video.
He was super excited... until I screwed the pizza guy.
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine - I only get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
What do you call a man who expects to have se* on the second date? Patient!
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
What's the smartest thing a man can say? "My wife says..."
How come it’s so hard to make a fool out of a man?
Because most of them are the DIY type in that way.
Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!
What is all the fuss about when it comes to men and big boobs? They take alot of lip and they dont talk back.
Why are Men like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
What is the main difference between men and boys? Men's toys cost more.
What’s the difference between a knife and an argumentative man?
A knife has a point.
You might as well go for a younger guy. Why?
They never mature anyway.
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.
Why do women take baths to relax?
Because it's too hard to drink wine in the shower.
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
What is the difference between a man and a tree? One is illegal to hit with an ax.
What’s the best way to find a truly committed man?
Visit the closest mental hospital.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.
How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice! How is a man like a used car? Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable!
A woman inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted."
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce...
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
Why does a penis have a hole in the end? So men can be open minded.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
Why don't women blink during se*? There isn't enough time.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
Don't break a man's heart; they only have one. Break their bones. They have over 200 of them.
How do you drive a man crazy? A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay.
My husband said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before."
So I said, "Try the kitchen!"
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
What do you give a man with everything? Penicillin.
What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? Big Foot has been spotted several times.
What do you call a married man vacuuming? Doing what he's told...