Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
How do you stop a man from raping you? Throw him the remote control.
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around. What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine - I only get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
What do you call a man who’s lost 95 percent of his intelligence?
Divorced.
Why does a penis have a hole in the end? So men can be open minded.
How do you drive a man crazy? A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot everytime.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys watching a football game.
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.
Why do doctors slap babies' bums right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Husband: Who do you like better, a smart guy or a handsome guy?
Wife: Neither. I only like you.
What’s the definition of a perpetual bachelor?
A man who’s missed the opportunity to make a woman miserable.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
Why do women take baths to relax?
Because it's too hard to drink wine in the shower.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.
A boy has SWAG.
A man has STYLE.
A gentleman has CLASS.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys an extra case of beer. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man. Why did God give men penises? So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
What do a balloon and a man have in common?
One prick pretty much ruins them.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that.
Why shouldn’t you trust a guy who claims he “wears the pants”?
He probably lies about other stuff too.
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
When will a guy ignore even the hottest girl? Right after he "comes" inside. Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phones home.
What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?
Why did the man keep going in circles? He didn't get the point.
A woman inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted."
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is... Scaring men is easy.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce...
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"
What’s the difference between a clitoris and a golf ball?
A man will actually look for a golf ball.
Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"
I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.
Go to BabaMail
