Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"
Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.
Why do men prefer blondes? Because they like intellectual companionship.
A man, during his night prays, asks God: "Oh, Lord... Why you’ve made women so beautiful?"
God replies: "So you can love them, my child."
"Fine, but my Lord, why you’ve made them so stupid?"
"So that they can love you back..."
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
What’s the definition of a perpetual bachelor?
A man who’s missed the opportunity to make a woman miserable.
Where does a mansplainer get his water?
From a well, actually.
Why do some guys have Red Eyes after se*? Mace.
How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious fumes, and half the time they don't work.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A pizza and a six pack.
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.
Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job? He still ends up with the same boss.
What do you call a man who expects to have se* on the second date? Patient!
What’s the best way to find a truly committed man?
Visit the closest mental hospital.
Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
What's the smartest thing a man can say? "My wife says..."
My wife just yells from upstairs and asks "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
Sounding concerned, I reply, "No..."
A few seconds of silence, and then she shouts: "How about now?"
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay.
Older women to her friend about remarrying, “When I pass away I want my husband to be so upset he has to drop out of college.”
When will a guy ignore even the hottest girl? Right after he "comes" inside. Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.
What is all the fuss about when it comes to men and big boobs? They take alot of lip and they dont talk back.
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
What’s the difference between a knife and an argumentative man?
A knife has a point.
How can you tell if your man is happy? Who cares?
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Him: Awww, of course!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? Big Foot has been spotted several times.
How long does it take a man to change the toilet paper? We don't know it's never happened. What's the definition of a woman's perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
How come it’s so hard to make a fool out of a man?
Because most of them are the DIY type in that way.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
What is the difference between a man and a tree? One is illegal to hit with an ax.
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
What is the main difference between men and boys? Men's toys cost more.
What do you call a Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two front teeth? A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER
Why are Men like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.
What’s the difference between a clitoris and a golf ball?
A man will actually look for a golf ball.
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? A. It changes their DNA.
How many knees do men really have? 3 - right knee, left knee and their wee-knee.
Why don't some men have a mid-life crisis? They're stuck in adolescence.
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