Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A pizza and a six pack.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
My boyfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate.
Now I have two boyfriends.
What's the difference between a man and a condom? Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I don't know, it's never happened.
How can you tell if your man is happy? Who cares?
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
Husband: Who do you like better, a smart guy or a handsome guy?
Wife: Neither. I only like you.
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
Why does a penis have a hole in the end? So men can be open minded.
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
Why are men se*ier than women? You can't spell se*y without xy. Why are men like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells and don't work half the time!
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.
A boy has SWAG.
A man has STYLE.
A gentleman has CLASS.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
What do you call a Guy who Masterbates more than twice a day? A Terrorwrist
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys watching a football game.
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around. What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
What is all the fuss about when it comes to men and big boobs? They take alot of lip and they dont talk back.
Love is blind.
Marrying a man, on the other hand, is a real eye opener.
How come it’s so hard to make a fool out of a man?
Because most of them are the DIY type in that way.
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight? A power failure.
How does the man help clean the house? Raising the feet, for the woman to pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet.
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why did the man keep going in circles? He didn't get the point.
What's the smartest thing a man can say? "My wife says..."
Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job? He still ends up with the same boss.
Why shouldn’t you let a man’s mind wander?
Because it’s way too little to be out all alone.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why do some guys have Red Eyes after se*? Mace.
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
How long does it take a man to change the toilet paper? We don't know it's never happened. What's the definition of a woman's perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
A third-grade teacher is getting to know her pupils on the first day of school.
She turns to one little girl and says, ‘And what does your daddy do?’
The girl replies, ‘Whatever Mummy tells him to.’
Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"
What is the main difference between men and boys? Men's toys cost more.
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