Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job? He still ends up with the same boss.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
A third-grade teacher is getting to know her pupils on the first day of school.
She turns to one little girl and says, ‘And what does your daddy do?’
The girl replies, ‘Whatever Mummy tells him to.’
How many knees do men really have? 3 - right knee, left knee and their wee-knee.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
What is all the fuss about when it comes to men and big boobs? They take alot of lip and they dont talk back.
My husband asked why I never blink during se*.
I told him I didn’t have time to.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? Big Foot has been spotted several times.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How come it’s so hard to make a fool out of a man?
Because most of them are the DIY type in that way.
Men: Bros before Hoes. Women: Sisters before Misters.
Why don't women blink during se*? There isn't enough time.
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"
What’s the difference between a knife and an argumentative man?
A knife has a point.
Why are Men like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.
What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"
How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice! How is a man like a used car? Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable!
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
Why shouldn’t you let a man’s mind wander?
Because it’s way too little to be out all alone.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning.
No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
You might as well go for a younger guy. Why?
They never mature anyway.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
How do you drive a man crazy? A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
How do you stop a man from raping you? Throw him the remote control.
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine - I only get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Him: Awww, of course!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
What do a balloon and a man have in common?
One prick pretty much ruins them.
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
A woman inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted."
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot everytime.
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A pizza and a six pack.
What is the difference between a man and a tree? One is illegal to hit with an ax.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
My wife just yells from upstairs and asks "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
Sounding concerned, I reply, "No..."
A few seconds of silence, and then she shouts: "How about now?"
What's the difference between a man and a condom? Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!
What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight? A power failure.
What do you call a man who’s lost 95 percent of his intelligence?
Divorced.
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