It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It's so hot outside the ice cream man just change the sign on the side of his truck to "cream."
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It’s so hot you discover that it only takes 2 fingers to drive your car.
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
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