It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with potholders.
It's so hot outside the ice cream man just change the sign on the side of his truck to "cream."
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot you discover that it only takes 2 fingers to drive your car.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
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