It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It's so hot out that my sweat is sweating.
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It was so hot that I poured boiling water on myself to cool down.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
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