There was an Old Person of Dover,
Who rushed through a field of blue Clover;
But some very large bees,
Stung his nose and his knees,
So he very soon went back to Dover.

Roses are red,
I’m going to bed.

"I’m Going to Be Famous"

I’m going to be famous!
I’m going to be great!
For every award
I’m the best candidate.
I’ve got an idea
to solve world peace.
I know how to force
every famine to cease.
I’ll power our town
with four sweaty socks
Or make a vaccine
for every pox.
I’ll reduce the garbage
in landfills by nine.
Wherever you’re shopping,
there won’t be a line.
I’d love to complete
all of this before bed
But Mom wants my room
to be cleaned up instead!

– Steve Hanson

Is it me or the nature of money,
That's odd and particularly funny.
But when I have dough,
It goes quickly, you know,
And seeps out of my pockets like honey.

When his driving had gotten bizarre
Grandpa’s kids tossed his keys very far
So he hitched into town
Laid some good money down
And then simply brought home a new car.

There was an Old Man with a gong,
Who bumped at it all day long.
But they called out, no more,
You're a horrid old bore,
So they smashed that Old Man with a gong.

There once was a girl named Sam
Who did not eat roast beef and ham
She ate a green apple
Then drank some Snapple
Some say she eats like a lamb.

"The Crocodile"

How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale!
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,
With gently smiling jaws!

– Lewis Carroll

Roses are blue
And violets are red,
Please reverse,
What I just said.

There was an Old Person of Ems,
Who casually fell in the Thames;
And when he was found
They said he was drowned,
That unlucky Old Person of Ems.

Love me tender love me true
Show me how you feel
Buy a ring and bend the knee
Then take me for a meal
Give me wine
Act like you’re mine
And woo me with your charm
Then kiss me quickly
Before I’m sickly
And hanging on your arm

(Anonymous)

If life is like a box of chocolates,
is it rude to ask for candy?
Can you really say with certainty
that you even understand me?

When life hands you lemons
I think you'd better run.
Cause life can throw a curve ball
and hit you just for fun.

I can do without the chocolates
You can keep your lemons too.
Life is what you make of it
not what it makes of you.

(Sarina McConnell)

It’s your birthday at last
You’re getting old fast
Each year whizzes by
Oh how time does fly
So put on your skates
And have a quick blast
Before it’s too late
And your whole life has passed

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You snore like a bear,
But I’m still into you.

There was an enchanting young bride,
Who ate many green apples and died.
The apples fermented,
inside the lamented,
and made cider inside her inside.

People tend to compare aging to a bottle of wine.
You find yourself a little stout and round,
And dust may litter your behind.
Like the grapes that create a fine wine,
The fruits of your labor have become your wisom from age.
Timeless and valued beyond compare,
And the lable may need a bit of repair.
But unlucky for you,
None of this is true.
I wish I could say something better,
My friend, you have aged like cheddar.

Celery, raw,
Develops the jaw,
But celery, stewed,
Is more quietly chewed.

(Ogden Nash)

There was a boisterous boy called Joe
Who loved to play in the fresh falling snow.
He went sledging one day
On his wild husky powered sleigh,
Tumbled tumultuously and broke his big toe.

"Five Little Acorns"

Five little acorns, lying on the ground,
The first one said “oh my
I’m getting round.”
The second one said “I think I’m fat,”
the third one said “I have a nice hat,”

The fourth one said “There’s a squirrel over there.
The fifth one said “well I don’t care.”
Down came the squirrel and
swept them all away, up to his nest for a cold winter day.

– Debbie Hill

"The Silliest Teacher in School"

Our teacher gave detention
to the fountains in the hall.
She handed extra homework
to the artwork on the wall.

We saw her point a finger
at a banner and a sign.
She said their bad behavior
was completely out of line.

The principal approached her
and said, “What is all this fuss?
I heard you tried to punish
all the tires on a bus.

“You’ve made the teachers angry
by disrupting all their classes,
so if you want to keep this job,
you have to wear your glasses!”

– Darren Sardelli

I love you more than the sun and moon
I loved you since you left the womb
I love you though you are quite hairy
And I never find it scary
Even when you pick your toes
My love for you only grows

(Anonymous)

There was an Old Person whose habits,
Induced him to feed upon rabbits;
When he'd eaten eighteen,
He turned perfectly green,
Upon which he relinquished those habits.

There was an Old Man of Marseilles,
Whose daughters wore bottle-green veils;
They caught several Fish,
Which they put in a dish,
And sent to their Pa' at Marseilles.

My funny guy, when I look at you,
Making faces, as you do,
To make me giggle, and keep me happy,
When I’m feeling down or sad or cr****,
I see someone who’s man enough
To just be silly, instead of tough
To give me gladness, bliss and joy,
That’s my man; that’s my big boy.
Happy birthday to the man
Who makes me laugh, because he can.

King Hero of old Syracuse had doubts that made him frown.
"Perhaps my goldsmith did not use pure gold to make the crown."
Since proof of mischief must be strong to put a thief in collar,
The king who feared his judgment wrong called on his science scholar.
"Archimedes, friend of old, find me the solution!
Is my crown pure solid gold, or is that an illusion?"
The scholar's task was serious; he struggled hard with math.
His mind was near delirious until he poured his bath.
He noticed how the water pushed him up as he stepped in.
He thought about it harder as he stroked his bearded chin.
"The weight of displaced liquid should always let me know
When any golden solid has a density too low!"
"Eureka!", he resounded. "I have such a clever mind".
Yet his claim was unfounded 'cause he left his clothes behind!

(by Robert Z)

Entwining your fingers in mine
The feeling is simply divine
Running my hands through your beard
Is anything but weird
Rubbing our bare feet together
Is the epitome of pleasure
When our teeth accidentally clash
I love the way we laugh

(Anonymous)

"Something Went Wrong in Our Family Tree"

Something went wrong in our family tree
When I look at you, cousin, it's plain to see.
You've got big ears like a chimpanzee,
But I guess that backfires 'cause it's the same with me.

Your two front teeth remind me of a rabbit,
You should stop munching carrots; it's become a habit.
If I want one, I have to move quick and grab it.
Come to think of it, your teeth look like mine, dag-nabbit!

Now your eyes look just a little bit screwy,
Guess you must have inherited them from Grandpa Louie.
But my eyes are kind of cock-eyed and just a bit droopy,
So I guess we've got that in common too, oh poopie!

I think my critique of your appearance is done.
Since we look so much alike, it's no longer any fun.
I've got one last thing to say in front of everyone,
Gosh, you're a good lookin' son-of-a-gun!

– Kelly Roper

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Birthdays suck,
If they're not for you.

Happy birthday!

(Kevin Nishmas)

"My Dog"

My family got a new dog.
Its fur is short and white.
I absolutely love him,
but something is not right.

His ears are soft and long
and flop along the side.
His tail is quite short
But also very wide.

He’s positively quiet.
He never makes a sound.
He’s got a real cute jump
when I put him on the ground.

I’m sure when he grows up.
He’ll be massively strong.
His favorite food’s carrots
He eats them all day long!

– Steve Hanson

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
There’s always someone,
Who’s better than you

You may look a little older,
Sadly youth doesn't come cheap,
So skip all those Botox parties,
And just get your beauty sleep.

Be glad you're young at heart,
And still look as good as gold,
Too bad you're not a millionaire,
And can't put your looks on hold.

(Kevin Nishmas)

For breakfast I had ice cream
With pickles sliced up in it;
For lunch, some greasy pork chops
Gobbled in a minute;
Dinner? Clams and orange pop,
And liverwurst, slicked thick---
And now, oops! Oh pardon me!
I'm going to be sick!

(William Cole)

"Family Likeness"

"You're just like them!" they say.
And me, I yell, "No way!
He's so moody,
She's so shrill,
His chin juts out,
Boy can she shout!
His nose is big,
And mine's quite small
There's no resemblance at all."

But then on days of harmony
I find that I agree.
Our family is made of different parts,
But we're all the same
In our hearts.

– Alison Jean Thomas

There was an Old Man of the coast,
Who placidly sat on a post;
But when it was cold
He relinquished his hold
And called for some hot buttered toast.

There once was a vicar at Kew
Who kept his pet cat in a pew.
He taught it to speak
alphabetical Greek,
but it never got farther than µ.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I can’t rhyme,
Banana

There was a Young Lady of Welling,
Whose praise all the world was a-telling;
She played on a harp,
And caught several carp,
That accomplished Young Lady of Welling.

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, 'It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!'

Company coming?
And your house is a big mess?
Just put on lipstick.

I’m glad that you’re my mother,
Kind and caring and strong.
Because surely no-one else,
Could have put up with me this long!

Roses are red
Violets are blue,
Coffee is bitter
And so are you.

There was a Young Lady of Wales,
Who caught a large fish without scales;
When she lifted her hook
She exclaimed, 'Only look!'
That ecstatic Young Lady of Wales.

There was an Old Person of Hurst,
Who drank when he was not athirst;
When they said, 'You'll grw fatter,'
He answered, 'What matter?'
That globular Person of Hurst.

My dear, I love you so much it hurts,
I ache to be close to you.
My heart beats wildly out my chest,
Without you I’m so sad and blue.
I’m dizzy with love, I fear being apart,
And despite the pain, I’ve got to say,
Please tell me that you know CPR, my dear,
Because you’ve taken my breath away.

Black and white
Thick and furry
Fast as the wind
Always in a hurry
Couple of spots
Rub my ears
Always comes when his name he hears
Loves his ball; it's his favorite thing
What's most fun for him? Everything!
Great big tongue that licks my face
Has a crate, his very own space
Big brown eyes like moon pies
He's my friend till the very end!

(Abby Jenkins)

There was an old lady from Ghent,
who slept on a bed of cement.
Her bed was well used,
and her body well bruised,
and the back of her head had a dent.

Twinkle twinkle little pie,
You squash my willpower like a fly.
You look so innocent and so sweet,
Convince my lips that we should meet.
You are a relentless flirt,
Oh no, we had indecent dessert.

Twinkle twinkle help appears,
A Stevia leaf erased my fears.
It made my willpower a superhero,
As for calories it has zero.
Twinkle twinkle Truvia™ star,
It has natural sweetness I love just what you are.
(Michael Hack)

There once was a person named Ned,
Who had nary a hair on his head.
He pated his pate
and bemoaned his fate,
And went to hide under his bed.

As the birds fly south
I make reservations to
Go to Florida.

“I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
“I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I’m going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox
And there’s one more--that’s seventeen,
And don’t you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I’m sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button’s caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,
My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangn

There was an Old Man of the West,
Who never could get any rest;
So they set him to spin
On his nose and chin,
Which cured that Old Man of the West.