If vampires can't see
Their own reflection
In a mirror or anything else
That's shiny
Then the thing I
Have always wondered is
How do they manage
To keep their hair tidy?
- Paul Curtis
I met a man, Stan.
His nature is Afghani.
Yes! Afghanistan.
The ocean is big,
And also it is pretty,
Pretty freakin' wet.
Musta woke with feelings of dread;
I bet that he thought he was dead.
Upon its unmasking,
The question I’m asking:
’Twas the ghost of white or wheat bread?
- by Jeff Kyser
Haikus confuse me
Too often they make no sense
hand me the pliers.
World is vast and wide.
So much out there to explore.
Right now, let's eat lunch.
Is everything wrong?
Are you the only one right?
Time to see a shrink.
Rattle-skattle skeletons
clitter-clack each bone
Shrieksome banshees circle
and werewolves howl and moan.
Sh-sh-shake and shiver spectres
weeshly whisk along the halls
while plumptious orange pumpkins
throw their shadows on the walls.
Double-trouble witchy twins
are cooking up commotion
with rosy poison apples
bib-bobbing in their potion.
Black cats hide in shadows
with topaz eyes ashine
whilst Mummies gently moulder
in the cellar with the wine.
SCRITCH SCRITCH SCRATCH! and RAT-A-TAT!
Zoiks! Zombies — in the street!
Halloweenies here to party —
and cackling:
TRICK OR TREAT!
- Sarah Ziman
There was a knock at my door as I paced the hall floor, and I knew, without looking, who I'd meet,
There'd be goblins and witches and zombies with stitches, and they'd joyfully cry out, Trick or Treat!
They'd expect sugar candy and plums soaked in brandy, and cake that I'd pull from my stash,
Peanuts and sweeties and pumpkin-shaped wheaties, plus a ready supply of hard cash.
And like a Biblical flood, they'd be dripping in blood, and they'd tramp it all into my rug,
And it's safe to surmise, that their Halloween guise, will have run up some change for some mug.
So I yell through my 'box, be gone, you're a pox, I have not got sweets for to give,
But they said, listen, you git, we don't give a shit, get some in if you'd like for to live.
But I didn't feel threatened by these juvenile cretins, and I told them, be off, bug the next street,
But they whispered, no dice, now are you going to play nice, and cough-up our Halloween treat?
I said, enough is enough, I was in a real h
Advice for those in,
a difficult position.
First, be flexible.
I sat on the pin.
It did not give me a grin.
Buy some marmalade.
You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
Ask for opinions.
Mull it over. Then you can.
Just do what you want.
Girl sat on a swing.
Trying to sing a song for god.
Missing him, not me.
Row row row your boat.
Rowing gently down the stream.
Life is so extreme.
My breakfast today,
bacon, eggs, and ice water.
I feel so healthy.
Take me down to Hai-
ku City where the grass is
green, and the dammit.
You think you're big.
With your fancy little words.
This is not so hard.
A Haiku about getting out of bed:
No No No No No
No No No No No No No
No No No No No
My next door neighbor is a witch,
And she lives way down in a ditch.
Her clothing is a little strange,
Because she never wants to change.
She has a black robe and a black hat,
Green skin and a smelly black cat.
A big fat wart grows on her nose,
And seventeen pimples on her toes.
But...her food is EVEN worse,
Because she eats it course by course.
Her first course is seven dead bats,
Laid on top of seven rats.
Then she has twenty flies
With lots and lots of llama eyes.
Her main course is a horrible soup,
Because it's made with doggie poop.
But worst of all is her dessert.
It's little children rolled in dirt.
Last night she had a witch's feast
And turned into a greedy beast.
I think she cooked my best friend Tilly
And ate her with some peas and broccoli.
- by Samiya Vallee
As the birds fly south
I make reservations to
Go to Florida.
I'm much funnier.
when I am drunk off my butt.
sadly, I'm sober.
It’s here again
That day we all dread
When once more
We fear the rise of the dead
But fear not
Our salvation is at hand
We shall be saved
By an unlikely Band
So be assured
When the time is near
Ghosts and ghouls
Will all quake in fear
When night falls
All the undead will cower
Trembling in awe
Come the witching hour
As armed with sacks
Our great costumed army
Will roam the streets
To drive the evil spirits barmy
So to protect yourselves
Keep a proper payment handy
When the costumed army
Come knocking for some candy
- Paul Curtis
You use computers.
IPods, mobiles, cameras.
Why not write letters?
Fat man sees small door,
he knows he cannot fit through,
tears flow free now.
The rule for today.
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.
My cow gives less milk,
now that it has been eaten,
by a fierce dragon.