My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.
But I will recover.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
Why do Norwegians build their own tables?
No Ikea!
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final frontier.
I got fired on my first day as a car salesman.
Customer: "Cargo space?"
Me (speaking slowly): "No, not space.. Car go ROAD."
Manager: " Can I see you in my office?"
What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer?
Quacks in the pavement.
What are bald sea captains most worried about?
Cap sizes.
Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
How does Robin Hood get from here to there?
In an “arrow plane.”
There's been an explosion at a cheese factory in Paris.
There's nothing left but de Brie.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought...
"That's just spam."
My son must have been relieved to have finally been born.
He looked like he was running out of womb in there.
I just texted my girlfriend Ruth and told her that it's over between us.
I'm Ruthless.
On his deathbed, my granddad said to me, "Remember these two words. They'll open a lot of doors for you in life."
"Push and pull."
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son's train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
How to determine the gender of your cat?
pour some milk in a bowl and place it next to the cat, if she drinks it, your cat is a female, but if he drinks it, the cat is a male
Scientists got bored watching the earth turn, so after 24 hours...
They called it a day.
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said...
"You know, one would have been enough."
What is E.T. short for?
So he can fit in his little spaceship.
A proud new Dad sits down with his own father for a celebratory drink.
His father says, "Son, now you've got a child of your own, I think it's time you had this."
And with that, he pulls out a book called, "1001 Dad Jokes".
The new Dad says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi Honored, I'm Dad."
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and says, "Give me all your money or you’re geography!"
The teller replies, "Don't you mean history?"
The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"
What do you say to your sister when she's crying?
Are you having a crisis?
Go to BabaMail
