Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.