Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
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