When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
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