Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
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