There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.