Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
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