Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
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