One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
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