What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
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