Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
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