Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
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