Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
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