Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
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