Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
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