Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
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