Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
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