Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
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