Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
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