Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
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