Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
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