It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
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