Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
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