Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
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