Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
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