What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards