Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
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