Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
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