A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
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