Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
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