A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
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