Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
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