A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
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