A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
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