Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
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