A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
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