A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
For his birthday, an old man’s nephews secretly hire a call girl for him. When he answers the door she’s standing there in a slinky black dress. She says, “I’m here to give you super se*.”
After thinking for a minute the old man replies, “I guess I’ll have the soup.”
There was an Old Man of the East,
Who gave all his children a feast;
But they all ate so much
And their conduct was such
That it killed that Old Man of the East.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was playing Fetch with a boomerang.
What did the hobo say when he lost his jacket?
I'm cold.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
Busy Cat
I'm 8 AM and time to nap
It's 10 AM and time to relax
It's 12 PM and time to doze off
It's 3 PM and time to zonk out
It's 6 PM and time to slumber
It's 9 PM and time to snooze
It's 12 AM and time to sleep
It's 4 AM and time to hang upside down
from your bedroom ceiling, screaming
Easter this year is April Fools Day
Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.
The years go flying by so fast
We wonder why our youth does not last
But when I look at you I see
A younger version of what you use to be
But remember I am aging with you
And without my glasses the picture is skewed
So who cares about what has been done
As long as birthdays keep having fun!
(Samatha C. Ringle)
If I had a dime for every time I heard this joke, I’d have a dime. Never heard this one before!
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
Roses are red, I’m not wearing a suit,
Carrots are not vegetables, they are actually fruit.
Row row row your boat.
Rowing gently down the stream.
Life is so extreme.
There was a Young Lady of Russia,
Who screamed so that no one could hush her;
Her screams were extreme,--
No one heard such a scream
As was screamed by that Lady from Russia.
The nurse called me and said, “Under ‘medical history’, we were hoping for something specific to you.”
You wrote down “Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928.”
Ladies, if there’s a man who remembers your birthday, knows what you enjoy and understands your friends and family...
it’s Mark Zuckerberg.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
If I had a nickel for every COVID-19 joke I know, I could buy a whole lot of toilet paper.
The doctor told me I had to start walking three miles a day to get fit
It's been two weeks and I don't know how to get home.
Why did the monster truck drive on the sidewalk?
Because he didn’t want to run over the chicken!
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."
That was the punchline.
A robber walks into a bank and points the gun at the receptionist
"Give me all your money or you're Geography!" 'Don't you mean "or you're History"?'
"*DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!"*
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What's the worst part about April Fools?
Jokes without punchlines.
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
A face like yours,
Belongs in a zoo.
The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.
Who is this Rorschach dude and why does he paint so many paintings of my father beating me?
How do you stop a man from raping you? Throw him the remote control.
Why did the fish cross the road?
To get to its school.
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
As a substitute teacher, I get up every morning and ask myself the important questions in life; Who am I? Where am I going?
And then I check with the school to find out.
You may look a little older,
Sadly youth doesn't come cheap,
So skip all those Botox parties,
And just get your beauty sleep.
Be glad you're young at heart,
And still look as good as gold,
Too bad you're not a millionaire,
And can't put your looks on hold.
(Kevin Nishmas)
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
— Ogden Nash
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the Fear of long words.
Everyone is jealous of us
We make an awesome couple
Life with you seems perfect
Forever, I want to be in this bubble
Today I want to preach
Just one simply philosophy
That a handsome guy like you
Deserves a pretty girl like me
Happy birthday!
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
My dog is quite hip.
Except when he takes a dip.
He looks like a fool,
when he jumps in the pool,
and reminds me of a sinking ship.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
Funny facts about Google users:
50% of people use Google well as a search engine.
The rest 50% of them use it to check if their internet is connected
Do you carrot all for me?
My heart beets for you,
With your turnip nose
And your radish face,
You are a peach.
If we cantaloupe,
Lettuce marry:
Weed make a swell pear.
The day we met I still remember so clear,
My heartbeat with love as you came near,
Please know that I’m sorry I forgot our anniversary,
But please don’t make me take a test on our love history!
Go to BabaMail
