It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
But I wouldn’t know,
I don’t get them from you.
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
Love is blind.
Marrying a man, on the other hand, is a real eye opener.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
What part of the body do you only see during Christmas? mistletoe.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why did the snail take so long to cross the road?
It was feeling sluggish.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? In case he gets a hole in one.
There was an Old Man with a poker,
Who painted his face with red oker
When they said, 'You're a Guy!'
He made no reply,
But knocked them all down with his poker.
My wife screamed in pain during labor.
I asked, “What’s wrong?”.
She screamed. “These contractions are killing me!!”
“I am sorry, honey.” I replied. “What is wrong?”
In the spirit of Easter, I've hidden eggs around the appartment.
In the spirit of April Fools, I'm not telling my roommates.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don’t know, why?
I don’t know — I asked you!
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
Whats the difference between marrying a Mama's Boy and a Daddy's Girl? One makes biscuits like his mother and the other makes dough like her father.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
There was a Young Lady of Wales,
Who caught a large fish without scales;
When she lifted her hook
She exclaimed, 'Only look!'
That ecstatic Young Lady of Wales.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One’s really heavy, the other’s a little lighter.
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
Why is everyone mad when the pig crosses the road?
Because he’s a road hog.
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
"The Crocodile"
How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale!
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,
With gently smiling jaws!
– Lewis Carroll
Roses are red,
Pizza sauce is too,
I ordered a large one,
I’m not sharing with you.
There are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets.
What are bald sea captains most worried about?
Cap sizes.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.
“Oh, I don’t know”, she said. “Just give me something with diamonds”.
That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
We went to a fancy dress party
With a Haloween theme
There was me and my girlfriend
And her twin sister Irene
However after a drink or two
Alcohol caused a bit of a hitch
As with twin witches I couldn't
Tell which witch was which
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son's train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
It's so hot out that my sweat is sweating.
Go to BabaMail
