What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!