What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.