What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.