What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
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