Let’s spend some koala-ty time together.
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
My dad gave me a Walmart gift card for my birthday.
Then he said "Don't spend it all in one place."
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
"As has often been noted, physics is to math what lovemaking is to masturbation."

Student : "So you're saying both fields are good, but without an attempt to understand the universe, the search for deeper mathematical truth is empty?"

Professor : "I'm saying you'll spend most of undergrad doing math."
The Husband's Budgetary Concerns
The Husband's Budgetary Concerns A rich man comes home and immediately starts shouting at his wife. "I've been looking at our expenses and they are through the roof! What have you got so much to spend on? From now on, things will need to be different!" "Different how?" the wife asked. "Well, for starters, if you learned how to cook, we wouldn't need a personal chef. If you learned to clean, we wouldn't need a maid!" The wife looks at him and responds: "Then we just need to teach you how to satisfy a woman. Then we can let the gardener go as well."
“I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.”
Damien Fahey
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
Why did the American student spend his year in European brothels?
To study a broad.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
“Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age”
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
Why do stoner tourists spend so much money while on a skiing holiday at Aspen?
Because they're high rollers!
Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. -- Fred Allen