Let’s spend some koala-ty time together.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
Why do stoner tourists spend so much money while on a skiing holiday at Aspen?
Because they're high rollers!
“I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.”
Damien Fahey
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
Why did the American student spend his year in European brothels?
To study a broad.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. -- Fred Allen
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
"As has often been noted, physics is to math what lovemaking is to masturbation."

Student : "So you're saying both fields are good, but without an attempt to understand the universe, the search for deeper mathematical truth is empty?"

Professor : "I'm saying you'll spend most of undergrad doing math."
“Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age”
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
My dad gave me a Walmart gift card for my birthday
Then he said "Don't spend it all in one place.