Conductor on a train: “But sir, you cannot travel with this! This is a child’s ticket! You’re at least 19 years old!” Me: "That's how long your delay was."
A teacher sees a knife in Jimmy's backpack "Don't worry sir, it's only a kitchen knife."
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "Sure, buddy." Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now, let's try it again!" Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "No, SIR!"
"Private! I didn't see you at camouflage practice today!" "Thank you sir!"
A talking horse walks into a bar one day. He goes up to the manager and asks him, "Excuse me, good sir, are you hiring?" The manager is surprised to see a talking horse and he looks him up and down before saying, "Sorry, we're not hiring. Why don't you try the circus?" The horse says, "Why would the circus need a bartender?"
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?” “No sir, it will be round!”
The Blond Painter
A Blond man is hired to paint the lines on the road.
On the first day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed.
But, the second day he painted just five, and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road.
Disappointed, his boss asks what the problem was.
The Blond replies, "Well sir, every day I have to walk farther and farther to get back to the paint bucket."