Sir Jokes

A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”

- Sir Winston Churchill.
The New Sergeants Two Army boys, Leroy & Jasper, from the hills of Kentucky, were promoted right from privates to sergeants because of their great marksmanship with rifles. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, There's the NCO Club. Let's you and Me stop in." "But we's privates," protests Jasper. "We's sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm a gonna sit down and have me a drink." "But we's privates," says Jasper. "Are you blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. We's sergeants now, so hush your mouth!" So they have their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea." "Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign." So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back and gives Leroy the big okay sign. Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea. "Jasper," he says, "why did you give me the okay sign?" "Well Leroy, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea affects only the privates." He points to his stripes with a big smile. "But we's sergeants now!"
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
Daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no, so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said...
"Then why are you shaking?"
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Sir William Howe... are you doing?
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
The Blond Painter A Blond man is hired to paint the lines on the road. On the first day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed. But, the second day he painted just five, and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road. Disappointed, his boss asks what the problem was. The Blond replies, "Well sir, every day I have to walk farther and farther to get back to the paint bucket."
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