Report

Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Please don’t go now. Else, I would have to go to the police station and report you to the cops. You just stole my heart.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.

Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.

Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
25 Years For Being Lazy
25 Years For Being Lazy In a prison in China, prisoners are discussing who's in for what and for how long. "Hey, Zhang- what are you in for?" Zhang: "Strangled my wife's lover to death. Got 15 years. How about you, Wei?" Wei: "I got 10 years for robbery and stabbing. What about you, Wang?" Wang: "I got 5 years for attempted rape. What about you, Liu?" Liu: "25 years for being lazy." All the other prisoners: "WHAT?! HOW?" Liu sighs. "Well, my neighbor and I were playing Go and after few shots of wine, started telling jokes about Jinping and the government. After my neighbor left, I thought to myself: "I should go to the government and report him". But it was late and I was tired, so I decided to go just wait until the morning and went to sleep.  My neighbor, on the other hand, wasn't as lazy..."
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case