Lazy Jokes

If I had to describe myself in 3 words?
Lazy.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
25 Years For Being Lazy In a prison in China, prisoners are discussing who's in for what and for how long. "Hey, Zhang- what are you in for?" Zhang: "Strangled my wife's lover to death. Got 15 years. How about you, Wei?" Wei: "I got 10 years for robbery and stabbing. What about you, Wang?" Wang: "I got 5 years for attempted rape. What about you, Liu?" Liu: "25 years for being lazy." All the other prisoners: "WHAT?! HOW?" Liu sighs. "Well, my neighbor and I were playing Go and after few shots of wine, started telling jokes about Jinping and the government. After my neighbor left, I thought to myself: "I should go to the government and report him". But it was late and I was tired, so I decided to go just wait until the morning and went to sleep.  My neighbor, on the other hand, wasn't as lazy..."
Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds.
My wife got mad at me for being lazy... It's not like I did something!
Plain English A man came to see his family doctor. The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said: "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
The skeleton couldn't keep anything tidy because of his lazy bones.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
“I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.”
— Unknown
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
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