Park Jokes

I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
What has four legs and one arm?

A rottweiler at a park.
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
here was a dog owner named Mark
Whose beagle would constantly bark
The neighbours would moan
They’d steal Benji’s bone
And toss it away in the park.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
A Child With Chocolate A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you." The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five". The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?" "No" says the boy, "he minded his own bloody business."
"Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park." - Anonymous
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
An Atheist in Hell An atheist dies and goes to hell The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a nice place to live in when they come down here!" They continue walking through the nice park, flowers everywhere, and the devil shows the atheist a garage full of beautiful cars. "These are your cars now!" and hands the man all the car keys. Again, the atheist tries to thank the devil, but he only says "Everyone down here gets some cool cars! How would you drive around without having cars?". They walk on and the area gets even nicer. There are birds chirping, squirrels running around, kittens everywhere. They arrive at a fountain, where the most beautiful woman the atheist has ever seen sits on a bench. She looks at him and they instantly fall in love with each other. The man couldn´t be any happier. The devil says "Everyone gets to have their soulmate down here, we don´t want anyone to be lonely!" As they walk on, the atheist notices a high fence. He peeks to the other side and is totally shocked. There are people in pools of lava, screaming in pain, while little devils run around and stab them with their tridents. Other devils are skinning people alive, heads are spiked, and many more terrible things are happening. A stench of sulfur is in the air. Terrified, the man stumbles backwards, and asks the devil "What is going on there?" The devil just shrugs and says: "Those are the Christians, I don´t know why, but they prefer it that way"
I like playing chess with old people in the park, but it gets hard to find 32 of them each time.
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.

The view was NOT worth the trip.
Have you ever driven a boat? Try to park it on my dock.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
The advantage of having a blonde as your girlfriend? You get to park in the handicap zone.
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Did you mean:
Continue With: Facebook Google
By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy