Betsy and Dan were married for 25 years. They were famous for fighting and generally disliking each other. One the 26th year Dan had a heart attack and died.
A few days later Betsy walks into the local newspaper's office and asks to post an obituary.
The Ad Editor informs her, "We can do 4 lines with a maximum of 80 words for $100".
"Nah." She says, "That's a a lot of money and he didn't do much. What else you got?"
"Ok," Says the editor awkwardly. "We can do 3 lines and a maximum of 25 words for $35."
"Nope, still too expensive..." She grimaces. "What else ya got?"
Flustered, the ad man wants to get her out the door and tells her, "We have the economy options - 2 lines, 5 words max, $5."
She agrees. So he fills out the order and asks, "okay, what do you want it to say?"
She thinks for a moment and then says:
"Dan's dead. Car for sale."
A hungry guy really fancies a bowl of hot chili. He sees a diner just up the street, so he decides to head there.
A pretty waitress shows him to his seat, and he promptly places his order.
The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".
He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"
The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".
He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat.
When he gets about halfway down, his spoon hits something.
He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too."
A man goes into a cafe and asks for breakfast done โmy way.โ
He says, "Can I get a full cooked breakfast, but I need it cooked my way?"
"Can I have bacon thatโs so burnt that itโs blackened like pieces of chiseled anthracite?"
"Can I have sausages that are so rubbery that you could bounce them off the ground and they would hit the roof?"
"Can I have all the shell broken up through my scrambled eggs so it tastes like an egg praline?"
"Can I have the tomatoes, mushrooms, and beans so overcooked and watery that they just taste like greasy, congealed slime?"
The man behind the counter says, "Donโt be ridiculous! You expect me to have the time to do all of that for you?"
And the guy says, "You seemed to find the time yesterday."
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