I once knew a man who lived in a jar. For a stranger sight you’d have to go far. I asked him once why he lived in a jar. He grimaced and said, how bizarre you are. My jar’s so cozy, warm and bright, Even in the full moonlight. The only drawback is, you see, Getting out quickly when I have to pee. (Irwin Mercer)
A hungry guy really fancies a bowl of hot chili. He sees a diner just up the street, so he decides to head there.
A pretty waitress shows him to his seat, and he promptly places his order.
The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".
He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"
The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".
He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat.
When he gets about halfway down, his spoon hits something.
He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too."