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Got

I got in touch with my inner self today...That's the a last time I use 1-ply toilet paper
I can remember where I got married.
I can remember when I got married.
I just can’t remember why.
I got caught masturbating with a pickle.
I was Gherkin off.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
Are You Done With That Chili, Pal?
Are You Done With That Chili, Pal? A hungry guy really fancies a bowl of hot chili. He sees a diner just up the street, so he decides to head there. A pretty waitress shows him to his seat, and he promptly places his order. The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl". He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?" The other guy says, "No. Help yourself". He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about halfway down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl. The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too."
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
Got a pet zebra, didn’t realise how hungry they are. He eats like a horse.
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
My wife just yells from upstairs and asks "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"

Sounding concerned, I reply, "No..."

A few seconds of silence, and then she shouts: "How about now?"
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
I got the Benz.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Dad: I heard that you got punished for saying the F-word in class. That wasn’t fun, was it?
Son: No, it was F*ck.
My girlfriend keeps saying that a small dick is nothing to worry about.
I still wish she hadn't got one.
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