Missed Jokes

My Spotify sucks. It showed me the hottest singles, and missed you out!
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You canโ€™t ketchup.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
The Religious Tennis Match A bishop and a bishop are having a tennis match. The bishop is very competitive, but canโ€™t seem to bring his A-game to the priest who is clearly better. After a volley from the priest, the bishop misses and yells: โ€œGod*amn it! I missed!โ€, startling the priest. He lets it slip and the match continues. But alas, after a fierce back-hand from the priest, the bishop misses and again yells: โ€œGod*amn it! I missed!โ€ โ€œStop itโ€ yells the priest. โ€œYou canโ€™t use the Lords name in vain like that!โ€ The bishop apologizes. โ€œIโ€™m sorry, my son. I swear to you, if I do it again, may God smite me with all his might.โ€ โ€œFair enough.โ€ grumbles the priest, and the match continues. Itโ€™s going really well, but as fate may have it, the bishop misses and slips again, shouting โ€œGod*amn it! I missed!โ€ Suddenly thick, dark clouds gather in the sky and with roaring thunder, a lightning bolt shoots down to the earth and vaporizes the ball midair. A thundering voice emits from the skies... โ€œDa*n it! I missed!โ€
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
I told my husband I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
โ€œOpportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.โ€ โ€“ Thomas Edison
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
โ€œOpportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.โ€
Thomas A. Edison
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other โ€œwe missed the bus!!โ€
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
Guess who just woke up to 19 missed calls and 30 messages from his ex?
My ex.
I would talk about Valentineโ€™s Day
But it looks like I missed my date.
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Did you mean:
Continue With: Facebook Google
By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy