Missed Jokes

Guess who just woke up to 19 missed calls and 30 messages from his ex?
My ex.
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
My Spotify sucks. It showed me the hottest singles, and missed you out!
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
The Religious Tennis Match A bishop and a bishop are having a tennis match. The bishop is very competitive, but can’t seem to bring his A-game to the priest who is clearly better. After a volley from the priest, the bishop misses and yells: “God*amn it! I missed!”, startling the priest. He lets it slip and the match continues. But alas, after a fierce back-hand from the priest, the bishop misses and again yells: “God*amn it! I missed!” “Stop it” yells the priest. “You can’t use the Lords name in vain like that!” The bishop apologizes. “I’m sorry, my son. I swear to you, if I do it again, may God smite me with all his might.” “Fair enough.” grumbles the priest, and the match continues. It’s going really well, but as fate may have it, the bishop misses and slips again, shouting “God*amn it! I missed!” Suddenly thick, dark clouds gather in the sky and with roaring thunder, a lightning bolt shoots down to the earth and vaporizes the ball midair. A thundering voice emits from the skies... “Da*n it! I missed!”
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”
Thomas A. Edison
I told my husband I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
I would talk about Valentine’s Day
But it looks like I missed my date.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
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