“Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” Ellen DeGeneres
“What turning forty means to me? I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that, but now I do.” Tina Fey
“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” Jerry Seinfeld
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. -- George Bernard Shaw
The Valentine's Day Gift
It was a few days before Valentine's Day and a young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"
Her husband smiled. "Oh, I have a feeling you'll know later tonight." he said with a wink.
His wife squealed with joy.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it... only to find a book titled "The meaning of dreams."