London Jokes

The Best Bar in the World Three guys are drinking at a bar and talking about their favorite bars. The first guy says, 'As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink.' 'Well,' said the second man, "At my local in London , the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.' "Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the third guy, 'Back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you gets laid, all on the house!' The first two guys lift their eyebrows in suspicion. 'Yea right,' says the first guy, 'there is no bar that good.' The man swore every word was true. Then the second man asked, 'Come ON, be real. Did this actually happen to you?' 'Well. Not to me, personally, no.' admitted the man, "But it did happen to my sister quite a few times."
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
You're hotter than the London Underground during rush hour.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
You're hotter than the London Underground during rush hour.
Heard a rumor of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth.
"I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining."
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
How did the ghost get from New York to London? British Scare-ways.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
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