Laid

A cowboy is walking down main street in nothing but his boots and hat...
Shortly after he got into town, a sheriff stops him.

"Sir, why in the hell are you walkin down the street naked as a jaybird?"

"I can explain! See I met this girl named Sally. Well, I took her back to my place and she took her shirt off... So I took off mine. Then she took her pants off... And I took off mine. She whipped off her britches... And I slipped outta mine.

"After that she laid down and hollered, 'Go to town cowboy!'

"So here I am."
If you took all the people in the world who fall asleep during church, and laid them head to toe in a straight line
They would all be a lot more comfortable.
Yo mama so fat she laid on the beach and Greenpeace tried to push her back in the water.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
Why did god invent alcohol? So fat women can get laid too.
What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid and you don't
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
There once was a lady from Decatur
Who got laid by a large alligator.
But nobody knew
The result of that screw
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
The Best Bar in the World
The Best Bar in the World Three guys are drinking at a bar and talking about their favorite bars. The first guy says, 'As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink.' 'Well,' said the second man, "At my local in London , the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.' "Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the third guy, 'Back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you gets laid, all on the house!' The first two guys lift their eyebrows in suspicion. 'Yea right,' says the first guy, 'there is no bar that good.' The man swore every word was true. Then the second man asked, 'Come ON, be real. Did this actually happen to you?' 'Well. Not to me, personally, no.' admitted the man, "But it did happen to my sister quite a few times."
An elderly man called Keith.
Mislaid his set of false teeth.
They'd been laid on a chair.
He'd forgot they were there.
Sat down, and was bitten beneath.
Guy walks into a bar. Sees a hot girl.
He walks up to her and says "You're getting laid tonight.”
She replies “What are you, some sort of psychic?”
He says “No... I’m just stronger than you."
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
Hey Steve, do you shower after sex?
Well yes Bob, I do.
Great, can you please get laid more often?
The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
An elderly man called Keith,
Mislaid his set of false teeth.
They'd been laid on a chair,
He'd forgot they were there,
Sat down, and was bitten beneath.