I got pulled over earlier today...
Cop: โLicense and registration sir? You show signs of being drunk.โ
Me: โOfficer I assure you I havenโt even had a sip.โ
Cop: โAlright sir, well how about a quick test. Imagine youโre driving down the dark road and see two lights in the distance, what is it?โ
Me: โA car..?โ
Cop: โOf course! But what kind? A Chevy, Dodge or a Ford?โ
Me: โHow the hell am I supposed to know.โ
Cop: โJust as I suspected, youโve been drinking.โ
Me: โBut sir, I didnโt drink anything.โ
Cop: โOkay, then tell me, on the same dark road, one light shows up in the distance, what is it?โ
Me: โA motorcycle.โ
Cop: โWell DUH. I meant... is it a Honda, a Harley or a Kawasaki?โ
Me: โI have no idea!โ
Cop: โGo figure, youโre intoxicated.โ
Me: โOkay, then let me ask you this. Youโre driving on the highway around midnight, and you see a woman on the roadside, wearing a miniskirt, fishnets, high heals, and a bra for a top. What would you call her?โ
Cop: โA hooker of course.โ
Me: โYes of course, but is it your wife, your daughter, or your mother?โ
Long story short... things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend...
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
But when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, โOK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.โ
โWell, in that case, Iโll just look the other way,โ said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause! She went to the bartender and said, โSir, I donโt understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?โ
โWell, now they know youโre one of us,โ said the bartender, โWould you like a drink?โ
โNo thank you, but, I still donโt understand,โ said the puzzled nun.
โYou see,โ laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"
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