Handle Jokes

You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Ay caramba! You're hotter than a jalapeƱo. I better wear a glove when I handle you!
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
If an elf canā€™t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldnā€™t handle the pressure.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
ā€œGod made up best friends because he knew our mom couldnā€™t handle us as sisters.ā€
ā€” Unknown
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."

- John Steinbeck.
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
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