Fresh Jokes

Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”

Needless to say I was in stitches.
Are those melons fresh?
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Are you Charlotte Brönte? Because you're a breath of fresh Eyre.
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
Why are ghouls so healthy?
They always eat fresh food!
You are so sexy, you turn my pickle into a fresh cucumber.
Looking for a healthy meal full of life? I will deliver my fresh cucumber for your bed tonight.
Bagels and baguettes
Bap or fried bake,
The fruits of the flour
are easy to make

Chollah, chapatti,
Cinnamon bun.
These global delights,
make eating such fun.

Filled with Caribbean sweet meat
like Guava jam,
Scottish smoked salmon;
Or Danish roast ham.

Add a fresh fruit salad,
Some sparkling wine,
A candle, red roses and
you’re ready to dine.

(Joanna Davis)
A Fresh Cup of Coffee A young man dressed walks tall through the doors of the local coffee shop one Sunday morning. He sits lazily and looks the place up and down before raising his hand and summoning a waiter. "I would like your FRESHEST coffee, none of that muddy stuff you probably usually make from yesterday's leftovers." The waiter assured him they make fresh coffee many times per day. "I'll believe it when I taste it." Said the young man. "I'm from New York and I know good coffee. There's very little chance you've got good coffee here, so at least make a new batch for me." and he shoos him away. The waiter goes to the kitchen and comes back with a cup of steamy coffee. The man tastes it and immediately makes a disgusted face. "Just what I thought, that's not FRESH. Come on, make me another one!" The waiter goes back to the kitchen and indeed takes some time to return. Upon his return he is holding a steaming and aromatic coffee cup. The waiter gives the gentleman the cup and he takes a sip... before spitting it out immediately. He turns to the waiter and shouts, “This is way worse! This coffee tastes like mud!” The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the man and says, “But, sir, it’s fresh ground!”
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
A chicken goes into a library. He stands at the librarian's desk and says, "Buk," so she gives him a book. A couple of minutes later, the chicken returns. "Buk," he says, and she hands him another book. This goes on and on.
Finally, it is the librarian's break time. She goes out back to get some fresh air by the pond. That is when she sees the chicken and a frog on a lilypad. "Buk," says the chicken as he tosses a book to the frog. "Reddit," replies the frog...
"I know your feet must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day!"
- Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
"Hey baby, you look so good, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all!"
- Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
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