Create Jokes

I want to create a convention for Irish folks who suffer with leprosy.
I'll call it Leper-Con.
Today, we had to create a new hang position for some lighting fixtures. After all day trying, we couldn't get the new batten hung properly.

Turns out it was just a pipe dream.
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
At what time of day did God create Adam?
Just before Eve.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close. -- Mark Twain
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
The Genius Painter Many years ago, a wealthy woman, quite fond of collecting antiques and curiosities, found a vase during her travels. She liked the vase so much that she decided to paint her entire display room the same color as the vase. She put out an announcement saying that she will pay out a great deal of money to anyone who can come up with the matching color paint. Many painters came to examine the vase, but try as they might, they couldn't create a paint quite to the woman's satisfaction. One day, a painter comes along asking to examine the vase and promising that he could come up with a matching color. True to his word, after a minute looking at the vase, he is immediately able to deliver to the owner's satisfaction, and is awarded the job. This incident made him famous, which he used to launch a thriving business. Many years later, he decides to retire and hand over the business to his son. His son says to him, "Dad, I have just one question for you. How did you get the paint to match the vase so perfectly?" His father looks at him and says: "Can you keep a secret?" "Sure." The old man comes close to him, leans over and whispers: "I painted the vase."
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
“How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?”

- Michael, ‘Three Men And A Baby.’
Why did God create orgasms? So women can moan even when they're happy
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
People tend to compare aging to a bottle of wine.
You find yourself a little stout and round,
And dust may litter your behind.
Like the grapes that create a fine wine,
The fruits of your labor have become your wisom from age.
Timeless and valued beyond compare,
And the lable may need a bit of repair.
But unlucky for you,
None of this is true.
I wish I could say something better,
My friend, you have aged like cheddar.
One evening I wrote to John and I guess I was expressing my frustrations with not having enough time as I had a briefcase full of work to do that evening. Jaymac, in his wisdom, sent me back the following funny but inspirational poem:

Briefcase with an Engine
Poet: John McLeod

Fit your briefcase with an engine
Go skateboarding in the sun
Loop the loop, do aerobatics,
Laugh a lot and have great fun!

'Cook a snook' at paper empires
Save a forest, every tree
And remember, above all,
To do it happily!

It reminded me life is too short to let work frustrate me. Reading John's words of wisdom helped relieve my stress as I found myself smiling when I finished reading the poem. And, smiling and laughing is a great stress reliever!

Many times during my career I let my work control my life. Looking back at the times where I allowed my work to create stress and frustration in my life I now realize what I thought was important really was not. I am not say
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