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Everywhere Jokes

Onion Puns
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Nerdy Pick Up Lines
You're like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!
Puns
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!
Beach Puns
eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
Mother Puns
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
Hair Puns
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
Funny Money Quotes
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
History Puns
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Bomb Puns
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Dragon Jokes
A man and his wife are playing Dungeons and Dragons together...
During the man's turn, he rolls his D20 and rolls a 1. Simultaneously, he stubs his toe against the table leg so hard that his toe essentially falls off. Blood everywhere. The wife has to rush them both to the ER.

She's waiting.

She's waiting...

The doctor emerges, and the wife rushes over. "How is my husband? What's his condition?"

The doctor replies: "Critical, miss."
Dark Short Jokes
Where did Lisa go during the bombing? Everywhere.
Funny Parenting Quotes
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home." – Robert Orben
Nurse Puns
Maternity ward nurse asked my wife if she needed to go to the bathroom.
She says, "yeah, I could stand to pee."

I said, "No, you should probably still sit so it doesn't get everywhere."
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
Piss Puns
What does a man desperate to urinate do in a room full of arrogant people?
Egos everywhere.
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